Missing

It's those people closest to you that have the capacity to hurt you the most. This is something I've found recently, and have been thinking about. When someone close stops being there, it feels alien when we don't call/ text them to share an amusing story, or even when we don't just share a drink and a chat. It's with these people that we become vulnerable, sharing past hurts and future dreams. We let our guard down and build a relationship of trust and love. In return, we recognise their hurts and feel their pain, and desperately want to be there and help.

When one of these special friendships breaks down, it can consume us entirely. Missing that person becomes so painful, and not having them around to share things with becomes so hurtful, especially when that other person doesn't feel the same way.

Lemonade and control

'When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.'

This was a very wise piece of advice given to me by a colleague after an absolutely horrible day at work this week.  And its made me think.  

We are constantly dealt crap hands in life, sometimes just a horrible day, sometimes something so so much worse, but the notable thing about this is our outlook.  We have a choice, we can give in and let the crap overcome us, or we can fight against it and make the best out of it.  This could be in how we relate to and trust in other people, or it could be how we make ourselves stronger.  I know that I have a negative outlook when things start to go tits up; I freak out and think I'm losing control.  I've been known to do stupid things to try and regain this control; and I've also managed to completely alienate and drive close friends away.  

I know that I need to start squeezing the lemons that come along, and not worry about losing control, and instead worry about making lemonade.  

Pardon?

Anyone who knows me will say that I like to talk.  Well, like it or not, I talk a lot.  In fact, it's quite rare for me not to be talking.  I talk to friends, acquaintances, strangers and people I don't know.  One of my problems is not being able to stop talking when I'm in an uncomfortable position.  I talk when I'm awake AND when I'm asleep.  

So imagine my pain when I discovered that I CANNOT talk!  I have completely lost my voice.  I discovered on friday morning that I had lost the top octave of my voice, but since friday eve, haven't managed to say a single word.  This is perhaps the most annoying thing to ever have happened to me.

I can't even squeak or grunt, just pathetically whisper.

Less enthusiastic...

I was chatting to a friend this evening about different things that have happened this year, when we made a slightly depressing discovery.  We've hardly heard any good news in 2009.  Nothing drastically terrible has happened to me, but a lot of friends have been through some completely rubbish stuff since the beginning of this year, yet no-one we know has had any good news, or had anything nice happen to them.

Depressing, huh?!

My little friendies

I love my friends!

I've been on holiday for 2 weeks and the thing I love most about being on holiday is having a chance to meet up with friends.  During term time, it's not unusual for me to work solidly from 7am (when arriving at work) to 1am, pausing to sleep from about 1.30-6, so I find meeting up with friends during the week really difficult and weekends seem to go so quickly.  Which means holidays are where its at!

I had a week in the sun for the first week (and got a tan-hah!) and this week have hardly done any work as I've been seeing friends instead.  On tuesday I met up with my girlies.  I've known them for 8 years and we're closer than ever now-love it (and them!)  On wednesday I went to my wife's for dinner, and another friend joined us, where we relived those good ol' uni days.  Thursday was fabulous: I went wedding and bridesmaid dress shopping with some lovely old friends who I've known for 12 years.  Is a bit scary to think how much we've changed from those spotty little girls into people of the marriage age!  And today was another corker, I spent the day with a relatively new friend, and this evening with a different relatively new friend.  Tomorrow brings more girly times and sunday means my youth girls!

I love that I share different memories with each of these people, and that we all have different things in common.  I believe that my friends are one of the most important things in my life, and I love spending time and sharing with them.  I've noticed that whereas I'm not a different person with each friend, we talk about different things.  With some friends, I have a lot of light-hearted banter, and with others, we talk a lot of things or events that have deeply affected us. Although all very different, I'm so grateful to these friends for being there for me at different times in my life when I've needed them.

Thank you to all my friends for being who you are, you've all had an effect on me and made me who I am today. x

Knowing me, knowing you...

Something I've been thinking a lot about recently is friendship.  

What does it mean to be a good friend?  This has been on my mind for the last few months because I've got some fabulous friends who I want to support and be the best possible person I can be for them.  Although friendship is a completely natural thing to humans, I think that is also something that can be developed and worked at.  

So how do we be the best friend we can?

4 years...

So today is 4 years since our little fire incident.  Crazy huh?!

Right now I feel...

confused.   But also relieved I remembered the password to this site.  So will blog again in the next few days.